indiana, indiana, let it go...

I was going to make this a very long post that would essentially engage the two major factions of my readers but I decided I’ll write two individual posts and bore/enthrall each group individually. Aren’t’ you excited? Just think, you could be part of the small minority who doesn’t fall into either faction and you can be bored by BOTH posts. Worst of all, however, I should have been writing these posts while idling away in Panama City, instead of doing it here in Cartagena where my grey matter has reached its limit trying to process the deluge of sensory input. Wow, I sure can talk a lot of crap when I want to. Or when my mind is tired. I even think I know what deluge means. Anyway, Cartagena, Colombia is the crown jewel of the Expedition Americas experience thus far. This place is amazing. But you’ll have to wait anxiously until another day so I can organize my thoughts about my time here. The Land Cruiser obsession will weigh heavily on that day as well. That is boring/enthralling post #2. Tonight’s post, however, has been brewing since I entered Canada 14,000 miles or so ago and finally came to a head sitting in the shipping office last week in Colon, Panama. After working in a certain arena for awhile, and coming to find that you actually believe the crap you’re talking about, it can be hard to let things go. Like Indiana Jones stretching for the Holy Grail (which is far more believable than the dan brown, davinci, ron howard, tom hanks version, I mean come on, Harrison Ford and Sean Connery rode off into the sunset!) once you become fixated on a certain subject you find it impossible to let it go. No matter how hard you try, it is still there. And in my case it is document management. YEP, THAT’S RIGHT THE WONDERFUL AND AMAZING WORLD OF DOCUMENT MANAGEMENT.

So now that I’ve lost everyone but my former HP cohorts I’ll continue my diatribe. In case anyone else has made it this far I will give a brief introduction. Prior to leaving on my trip I worked as a trainer/technical consultant in the VAR channel for HP. I spent the majority of my insanely busy work week (inside joke for my former bosses) teaching classes about or helping customers understand their document needs. From digitizing, to archiving, to eliminating the need for, it was what my world consisted of. So how in the hell does that affect my once in a lifetime dream trip? Borders, Immigration, Customs, Aduanas, Migracion, Fronteras, Policia, Militaria etc. etc. ad naseum. As just one example the Guatemala/Honduras Border contained one room, about 20x30 ft, for their paperwork. I assume someone there knew how the room was organized. What I saw was stacks of paper 6 feet high lining two of the walls. Not boxes of papers, not file cabinets, not even those fancy folders CPAs use that can hold 4 reams of paper. I am talking paper stacked, one sheet on top of another, 6 feet high. Some were carbon duplicates some were stapled. Most were just single sheets just waiting to fall over. And guess what? That was one of the quicker more organized crossings I’ve had. Regardless of Ben’s charm and Ginny’s infatuation it was still organized. It also made my skin crawl. Allow me to digress into the world of shipping your truck out of Panama to illustrate my bafflement (I thought I made that word up but MS Word didn’t autocorrect it. Hmmm how about baffleization?) at the complete lack of organization and inefficiency in the process.

When entering Panama by car you have to get your personal visa and a stamp for your vehicle. You also have to sign a document stating you will not sell the vehicle while in Panama (or if that is your plan you need to declare it upon entering.) Then you need to go to customs to get the vehicle inspected and the document stamped and signed. When leaving Panama by car they just cancel the stamp at the border and on you go. However, when you leave the country by plane, sans vehiculo, you need to have a whole series of documents. The process goes a little something like this, hit it.

You find a shipping agent who gives you your shipping manifest. You take that document, along with your passport, title and all the docs you received when coming into the country with you to an unsigned, non-descript blue building where the police will inspect your vehicle to verify the VIN on the body and motor. They’ll take a copy of all the aforementioned docs and give you a permission slip. Then you cross a busy 6 lane road to another blue building, this one with a sign, to visit the Secretaria de Policia (or some title I am forgetting right now)and use the first permission slip to get a second permission slip and then destroy the first permission slip. At this point you’re into the process about 4 hours including time finding the first blue building nestled under the overpass. After getting a badge to enter the compound you go into an office and fill out a document. Then you sit down and wait for this document you just filled out by hand to be typed, yes typed, onto a 3 part form by one of the nice women working in the office. If you’re lucky you’re one of the first people in line. I was 5^th in the stack of papers. Right now you’re all thinking what’s the big deal, you’re 5^th? 2 hours and 15 mins to type up 5 forms. Why? I have no clue. Conversations, mistakes, questions, phone calls, flirting, more phone calls, lunch. The amount of data on each form is less than the first two sentences in this post. I’m not making that up either. VIN, Passport number, import number, shipping manifest. That is IT. Two hours! Then the form goes back into the secret room where someone signs this document that basically states when you get to customs/immigration you can get your passport stamped without having a vehicle because it is being shipped out of the country instead of driven. Then you head off to customs, once you find this building in the mass of other unsigned former US military buildings, the process only takes about 20 mins. If you’re lucky (more on that later) I was lucky. The grandmotherly customs agent smiled the whole time and wished me luck on my trip and almost forgot to cancel the vehicle stamp in my passport. Then back to the shipping agent, show her all the forms, they give you more forms for the port in Colon (2 hours away) and make more copies of your title, passport etc and you finally get home 9 hours after your day started where you go to sleep to wake up at sunrise to drive to the port for 6 more hours of stamps, copies, customs, more stamps and then finally inspection one last time. And I was lucky. I met 3 Brazilians returning home from Boston for a 3 month vacation who were on their 5^TH!!!! day of playing this paper work game. The Feral Green guys (http://www.feralgreen.com) who began this process with me (and assisted me with their stellar language skills) required 2 days for their process. The worst part is I couldn’t let the former work experience go. I think I found 473 ways the process could be improved with a simple 3 hours conversation with them. Watching a girl slip a piece of well used carbon paper between two identical forms was truly painful. If I would have known enough Spanish to handle the delicate “do you want me to type those forms up for you so we can get out of here in 6 mins instead of a 135mins’ conversation this post would never happen. At this point I have to say without Evelyn and Roberto at the Barwil shipping agency I would still be wandering around Panama City with a stack of papers in my hand and a sign that read ‘will work for an epiphany of how the hell to get my paperwork done so I can leave Panama.’ That would be one huge piece of cardboard though. I’d have to condense the language just a bit.

I am aware of the cultural differences and the lack of urgency in the Latin world. I’m not asking for Toyota-like efficiency or a completely digitized process. I just think they could save a few trees and a few hundred thousand MGs of ibuprofen if they would just streamline their process. Or put a damn copy machine at the border and not make me wander into bordertown, and risk life and limb in the freezone, to get two copies made of my passport. Hold on there kids. I know what you’re thinking. “dave, you’re an idiot. Just go make copies of your passport now instead of watching the Australian Open on ESPN.’ Well I have dozens of copies of my passport. However, each border requires a copy of the page with their stamp. I’m not making that up. That is really the process. You go into customs and give them copies of your title and registration. They stamp your passport. Then you have to go find a copy machine to make a copy of the stamp to give back to them. You would think the gov’t would want to make money on the copies. They charge 10cents a piece after all for a 1 cent copy. But no, aside from the Ferry terminal in Baja I have had to make copies at some roadside shack at every crossing I’ve been to. It truly is ridiculous. Ridiculous according to my hp indoctrinated document management mindset. I need Sean Connery to take me by the hand (as I dangle over the smoke filled bottomless pit) and speak to me with his wise, prudent, omniscient and reassuring voice, ‘hey dumbass, let it go. you’re on the trip of a lifetime. Don’t worry about it.’ Or something to that effect.

dmc

And yes Mr. Carmack this post was pretty much entirely for your entertainment. I hope you use this story during your next Selling HP Solutions course.